I’ve never been a big pet person to be completely honest but I did always crave that companionship you see in movies, mostly the ones of people and their dogs..not cats so imagine my surprise when a cat reached me on a soul level. I was almost finished with high school, I spent a lot of time in my room alone. My friends cat had recently just had kittens and she wanted to know if we wanted one. My sister and my mom were more than happy to take one, I didn’t really care or want to deal with taking care of another pet. I had my sister’s hermit crab in my room because she got him for her birthday and she didn’t like the noises he made at night when he moved around. Hermit crab care is actually pretty complex when done properly and I was in over my head with that as it was. My friend put her favorite kitten aside for us and before I knew it he was in my house. My mom and sister played with him and gave him attention but he had other plans. He began following me around, wanting to be in my room, before I knew it I had a cat. I had a complicated childhood so I’m not used to people or animals showering me with what I can only describe as pure love and the affection that came with it. He slept with me every night, through my ups and downs he was there, when I was sick he would lay ontop of me and purr and it really did make me feel better. I wish I could describe the way he looked at me and loved me with words but I can’t, it was soul deep. Four short years later he was limping one day and I thought he hurt his leg and I could take him to the vet the next day. I was horribly mistaken, he had a urinary block and he was dying. We made it to the vet too late but they tried all they could while I sobbed harder than I ever had in my life, I had to leave him and go home so I said good bye and that I’d see him tomorrow. Around midnight I got the call, I remember it was April 14th 2014. His organs and little body was failing, he was shutting down so the vets reached out because the most humane thing they saw for him was putting him to sleep. I had no car, no license nor did my mom so I sat there in my room barely comprehensible, I had to tell not one but two vets that I gave them my permission to help the being that loved me more than anyone in this world and I didn’t know if I’d ever have anyone love me the way he did again. I was so broken, I missed my first day of college because l couldn’t get myself off the floor, I laid there and cried for a whole day. When it was time to pick him up, my at the time boyfriend and family came, we cried, the staff cried, it was awful. We buried him in my childhood backyard, I helped a little but mostly I wrapped him in my favorite shirt, I didn’t want him to be cold in the ground he kept me warm ao many nights the thought horrified me. The box was heavy and cold so unlike his warm bright presence, he took the best photos I’m going to include one it’s like there was always some type of ethereal glow around him. I did not name him my best friend did she choose Bear and it suited him. Ironically Stephen King’s Pet Sematary has always been one of my favorite horror novels, the grief and pain is so raw and human I honestly think it’s a masterpiece but I did not need that Dead was better then. I had buried apart of me, I did not feel whole and I knew I never will. I longed so bad to see him to catch a glimpse and actually say a proper goodbye, I felt like it was all my fault he suffered and was gone, especially as alone as he was with the vets he didnt know, his favorite person no where to be seen. I would never forgive myself. Despite my love of the paranormal and all things odd I did not see him until one night. A terrible incident happened, I won’t go into details but I was not safe in my house I ended up moving the next day but I had to wait for my mom’s husband to leave the house to safely go upstairs and take action. My room was in the basement at this point, so I was alone down there crying and scared. I heard a noise like a bag fell over, i didn’t like looking into the dark part of the basement, outside of the part that we finished to make my bedroom at night because i was always afraid i’d see something terrible in the dark but I did and there he was. Sitting and looking at me, the way he always did I was trying to be quiet due to the incident but that made it hard. I told him I missed him and I’ll never understand what I did to deserve him and just like how he appeared he was gone in an instant, it was hard to pinpoint when from my eyes watering so hard. For a while after I did not feel so alone, I was able to get through the hard days ahead of me the vet office sent me a card with the rainbow bridge poem and his paw print weeks later when i finally felt 5 percent better and i lost it. I’d like to say I’m so sorry for your loss Jon, my heart goes out to you and anyone who experiences that level of pain. I know nothing anything can say or do can really lessen it. The people closest to me told me time was key but that isn’t completely true other wise I’d be able to write this without crying so many years later but I wish you the best in your grieving and healing process, know that you are on someone’s mind and you are not alone.

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